Elite Skwere Hasidim form Coalition on Energy Consumption

WASHINGTON, D.C., May 1, 2009 -- An elite subset of Skwere Hasidim, known as the Roite Shichlech have convened a coalition on energy consumption named Roite Gai Greeneh. The Roite Shichlech group within Skwere stems from an especially pious, old-line intellectual pedigree that traces itself back to the alte, alte, alte, alte Avrum Aveenee Dayan in Canaan (circa 4000 B.C.)

The title is a reference to the red shoes worn on the Sabbath, specifically during the time a Hasid's wife is menstruating (and thus forbidden in marital relations.) According to Zanvil Boim, the Skwere "gabbah," the shoes are a way of saying, "Look at me, I didn't touch my vaible last night."

So far what we know for sure is that Roite Shichlech is currently in talks with the Obama administration, providing what they call "Toiroo-based" solutions to the nation's energy problem. Stay tuned.

Genetics Breakthrough at the Prestigious YTU

As a result of a breakthrough scientific study that took nearly a decade to complete, Yagdil Torah University (YTU) is making strides in biogenetics once again. Geneticists at YTU have reportedly developed a method of generating stem cells in puppies, using recombinant DNA, that will manipulate the genes of ordinary housepets, enabling them to run at speeds of nearly forty miles per hour! Additionally, the little doggies - if you can call them "little" - will have the strength of camels and will be able to transport loads up to one hundred times their weight. besides for the positive impact on the environment (transportation vehicles and the associated environmentally toxic byproducts will be less prevalent) and the ease of congestion on roads everywhere, the main function of the super-dogs will be to deliver soup by-the-case for Bikur Cholim.

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